When you took the high road in resolving a relationship issue, when you made the better decision to improve the performance in your business, when you decided to stand up for yourself in a meaningful situation; these are the character building moments that help define a life lived well.  Once again the old truth is that it isn’t what happens in life that matters, but how we decide to handle it that either empowers or disenfranchises us. 

From stuck to unstuck

Making judgments out of frustration when we get stuck shows our limitation and emotional immaturity.  It’s not really your fault, but rather the instantaneous trigger in the brain producing the neurotransmitter, cortisol. Cortisol is what clouds the mind causing bad decisions, procrastination and anger. A far better way to move ahead, get unstuck, solve the problem and show some character is to slow down and ask questions such as, “What else can I do now?” Selecting positive options or at least letting go of frustration, you produce dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin, brain chemicals that promote better decision making, the ability to raise the thinking process and increase mental flexibility. Really good therapists, teachers and parents don’t try to solve the problems of their clients, students or children.  They ask questions to let the client, student or child discover for themselves, not just the answer to the existing dilemma, but to discover and use the potential problem solving ability that each of us has within.  When you ask the question, “What else can I do now?” and you get the lazy response from within, “I’ve done all I can,” ask yourself, “If there were something else I could do, what would it be?”  Don’t let yourself off the hook so easily.  Only when you ask yourself what more you can do, will your mind provide you with an answer.

For those of you who have heard me speak in classes, seminars or at business conferences, I always suggest learning relaxation techniques that can be used to create physical energy, facilitate learning of new habits and attitudes and to exercise the creativity and the problem solving abilities of the subconscious mind.  Without taking the time to sell any new readers of this blog on the virtues and values of learning and practicing this proven idea, just take a few minutes to relax and then ask yourself, “What else can I do now?” and watch how much better the flow of ideas come.  Closing the door to thought will always stifle creativity and progress. Opening that door is called personal growth.

The next time you come to a dead end, notice your thinking process, relax and ask yourself a good question.  You will be amazed at the options you come up with.  Show yourself what you can do. Do this simple process consciously for the next few weeks, you’ll do it automatically for the rest of your life.